9.            Predictability

If asking couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable.  When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom.  If you normally hate the fact that Saturday afternoons consist of your mate sitting for hours watching football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and go join them on the couch, or if your mate spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it.  When taking a walk with your mate, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, “I love you,” and then keep walking.  Take some chances and do the unexpected.

10.       Lighten Up

Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious.  It could be that there is a tremendous amount of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say.  Regardless of the reason, learn to lighten up.  Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem.  If your mate makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it.  If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself.  This will automatically start the process of tension breaking.

11.       Communicate

When couples are having problems in a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop.  It is often easier to just be quiet than to get mad.  When rebuilding relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now needs to be the first to start.  This will require that both individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to the wind.  Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk.  Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything and that you will listen, really listen.  That does not mean that you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine.  However, if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution.  This is hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much better, individually and as a couple.

12.       A Night of Passion

Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.  Couples need to enjoy being together in an intimate way.  When relationships are troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or passionate with each other.  However, this is a part of the healing and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward in the beginning, it is crucial.  Make your intimate time together special.  Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.

13.       Dinner Party

Start a new tradition of hosting a dinner party every other month or two and inviting several of you and your mate’s friends.  Set up board games that everyone will enjoy, have some light and lively music playing, and plan to have a blast.  Spending time with friends in this kind of setting is a great way to reduce stress.  When stress is low, couples get along better.  This is a wonderful way to interact with each other’s friends as a couple.

14.       Happy Birthday

As people grow older, in general, birthdays become less celebrated.  Gifts are quickly given, meals eaten, and it is over.  For your mate’s next birthday, take some time to plan something very special.  Make this a true celebration of their life as a way of showing your love and appreciation.  Every person, even adults, like attention and love to be appreciated.  Whether a surprise party or not, your mate will be impressed that you went to all the effort just for them.

15.       Secret Getaway

Plan a nice weekend getaway to some place off the beaten track where you can enjoy some privacy.  A quaint cottage or charming bed and breakfast would be ideal choices.  Scout out the area ahead of time and choose a few things that the two of you would like to do in the area but just be sure to leave plenty of time for you to enjoy some alone time.  Order a nice bottle of wine or some hot cappuccino and relax in front of the fire!  Make this a romantic weekend where you can rekindle your love.